My Very Own Wicked Parody
by may5475
Summary: This is my very own Wicked Parody and my first. I don't think it is as good as some of them but I hope you will read it. The first chapter is 'No One Mourns The Wicked' Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Note: I DO NOT OWN WICKED (THOUGH I WISH I DID) and this is just a parody. **

**R&R and enjoy!**

**Some of you, though, may not enjoy this and think it is the stupidest and worst working of a FanFic for Wicked and will be very upset. To those of you…**_**TRY **_**to enjoy it! **

**Setting: This is at the very beginning of Wicked, with Glinda and her bubble and everything.**

**P.S. (AN) stands for Authors Note or, better known as my own personal opinion. Thankies!**

Ozian #1: Good news! She's dead! (Turns to Ozian #2, who's sitting in chair with a strange little green bottle) Oh wait, is she?

Ozian #2: Who gives a damn?

Frex: You should!

Ozian #2: She's your daughter and you could care less about her. Why should I care?

Frex: I don't care about her, well, because that's none of your business.

Ozian #2: Fine. But don't bother me.

Frex: Well, by the looks of it…(looks at the little green bottle that is a total foreshadowing device) Hey, where'd you get that? (Looks at it more) Hey, look, it looks like Elph…hey, what's her name even?

Ozian #2: How should I know? (Takes another swig of the green elixir) Do you think they have any Fritos around here?

Frex: Well, I don't know but…

Ozian #3: Oh my God! It's…

Frex: (Angrily) Hey, how'd you know what the Unnamed God is called? Have you been talking to my daughter?

Ozian #3: Which one?

Frex: The _only _one!

Ozian #3: But they're both dead, so how could I have met them?

Frex: I don't know. But, have you? Did you talk to my Rose?

Ozian #3: Whoa. Creepy. You just called your daughter a 'Rose'. Weird.

Frex: Well aren't I allowed to call my dead daughter what I want? If I can't, what is this world coming to!?

Ozian #3: All right, fine. So Nessa and I did a little kissing. So?

Frex: (Appalled) You touched my darling? My sweet, poor, lovely little Rose.

Ozian #3: Hey dude. Could you stop calling my girlfriend-coughs-I mean, your darling, a 'Rose'. It's like totally freaking me out. (Listens to his voice) Whoa! Where'd I get this awesome surfer-Fiyero voice? Dude? That's like rad!

Frex: Rad! That is not a word! Get away, you pervert! (Runs away hitting Ozian #3)

Glinda: You know, that guy was _supposed _to announce my wonderful goodness arriving! Gosh. What is wrong with these people? (Looks around at the drunken Ozians and Munchkins around her as Boq comes running up to her) Oh, hey, aren't you a little short?

Boq: Um…I'm a Munchkin. Aren't I supposed to be short? (Looks around cautiously with wide-open eyes) Well, aren't I?!

Glinda: (Disturbed by Boq's brief show of insanity) Ok, then. (Looks around wondering what to do next, then kind-of remembers) Hey, aren't I supposed to sing something?

Ozian #2: Yeah, I think so. (Pulls out script) Um, yeah. It says you sing this song called, uh, 'No One Bourns the Picked'

Glinda: Oh, all right. (Begins singing) No one bourns the picked! (Looks to Ozian #2) Now what?

Ozian #2: (Looking at script with squinted eyes) Uh…No one lies they won't lantern.

Glinda: (Looking puzzled) Hey, that doesn't make sense, but I guess it works. (Begins singing again) No one lies they won't lantern. (Looks to Ozian #2) Hey, what is a lantern anyway?

Ozian #1: Glinda, I thought you were at least a _little _smart.

Glinda: (Not hearing him) Hey you?

Ozian #2: (Drunk from all the elixir) Hey, wait, I might have got that wrong. (Looks over script cautiously) Hmmmm…wait, I think I found it! It says…oh, nevermind. I think I'm seeing things. Keep singing.

Glinda: Um, Ozian #2, how am I supposed to keep singing if I don't know what I'm supposed to sing? I mean, even I know that.

Ozian #1: Wow, you know something?

All Ozians: Wow! Glinda _knows _something! Wow! Praise the great good one. Praise the great good one.

Glinda: Hey look, little short people are bowing like weirdo's towards me. (Looks at Ozian #2) Hey, do you think they're bowing at _me_? Cause that would be SO cool!

Ozian #2: How am I supposed to know? I feel just really happy and flirtatious! (Begins flirting with Boq) Hey short-stack. How are you?

Boq: Hey, weren't you like the Wicked Witch of the West's friend or something?

Ozian #2: I think so…I'm not sure. You'd have to talk to her father.

Boq: But Elphaba was smart…

Glinda: How dare you!? You spoke her name! That is NOT nice! (Begins blowing bubbles all around her to make her feel better)

Boq: Ok…But, like I said, she was smart. She didn't get it from you, since you're not smart, and her mother, I hear, wasn't either. So where'd she get it?

Ozian #2: Well, you see, her REAL father was like this really hot guy who seduced me coughs I mean, her mother with this green stuff here and that made her green…(Give away total foreshadowing)

Glinda: (Is handed her own script) Let us be glad! Let us be grateful! Let us rejoicify. (Looks to closest guy to her, which happens to be Elvis) Hey, how do you say that?

Elvis: (Breaking into song) Umm, wait, aren't I dead? (Looks to Ozians, who shrug) Oh well…I guess this is how it goes…Viva La…(Looks at script and squints eyes) Rejoicify! (Looks at Glinda) Hell if I know. (Looks around again) Hey, this isn't Vegas. I'm out of here. (Disappears)

Glinda: (Still blowing her bubbles) Well, um, fine then! We don't want you here anyway, um, right?

Ozians: (Nodding) Praise the great good one. Praise the great good one.

Glinda: (Smiling) Um, so can we, like, get on with the song?

Ozian #2: Uh, sure I guess. I was just kind of like flirting with this short guy here. (Points to Boq, who has scared look on his face.)

Boq: Um, Miss. Glinda, could we, um, like sing.

Glinda: But Boq, you _can't _sing!

Boq: Why not? (Confused.)

Glinda: Because…(About to break into laughter) You don't have a voice. You're made of tin.

Boq: Oh this is all so confusifying! (Looks down at his tin body) Oh my gosh! I _am _made of tin! (Runs off stage, screaming)

Ozian #2: (Muttering) Bye my love!

Boq: (As running off stage) I'm married. I think!

Glinda: What was that you said Ozian #2? (Still blowing bubbles and reviewing script) Oh hey! I'm supposed to be singing. I totally forgot. Um, uh, hold on all you short-coughs-I mean _wonderful _little slaves-cough-I mean loyal citizens of Oz. (Begins singing in such a high voice it breaks the green elixir bottle) And goodness knows…The wicked's lives are lonely!

Ozian #2: Ahhhhhh! My Green Elixir! That was the last bottle! (As everyone looks at Ozian #2 with curious eyes) This was Elphaba's! I gave it to her…I mean, _she _gave it to _me_! (Looks away, hoping not to be found out)

Glinda: Oh, whoops! Sorry! Uh, maybe we can get a new one? (Looks around nervously to the Ozians) Right?

Ozians: Oh yes! Yes, Miss. Glinda, you are so good, anything can happen to you and for you!

Ozian #3: Yeah, I'm sure the Wizard has one.

Ozian #1: No, he left like a while ago.

Glinda: WOULD YOU ALL JUST PLEASE SHUT UP!?

Ozians: (Gasps)

AN: Glinda, please don't say that to the little people.

Glinda: Oops. I'm sorry everybody, but I really would like to sing my song and blow some bubbles.

Ozian #1: Fine, we're also supposed to sing, you know. So, let's get going.

Glinda: Good. (Sings once again in a very high voice) And goodness knows! The wicked die alone!

Ozian #2: (Studying the script and turns to Ozian #1) Hey, what does this say?

Ozian #1: It says 'No One Mourns The Wicked! Wicked! Wicked!' Can't you see that?

Ozian #2: I just seem to be having some eye problems. Can't see anything right.

Ozian #1: (Muttering under breath) Probably because you're drunk.

Ozian #2: What was that? Huh?

Glinda: You two, why don't you take it outside, okay?

Ozian #2: Alright fine! Let's go buddy! (Puts fists up)

Glinda: Alright, hold on…(Holds up four fingers) How many fingers am I holding up?

Ozian #2: (Squinting eyes as she drops her fists) Ugh, two?

Glinda: Hey, bubble, can you go down? (Points down to the ground) Yeah, down there. Down, a little more, a little more. All right, stop. (Only an inch from the ground) Stop. Stop! (Stops) Thank you. (Steps off of the bubble with smaller bubbles and a bright light following her) Hey, where did that light come from? (Points to light)

Ozian #1: Uh, Miss. Glinda, I think it's supposed to shine on you. You're, like…_good_. So the light symbolizes your impeccable goodness…

Glinda: Oh, that's is so…scandalacious! _I _have a light and _you _guys don't! (Brags while blowing bubbles all around her)

Ozian #2: There's a light? Where?

Glinda: I'm sorry Ozian #2, but I think you'll need…_glasses_.

All: (GASP)

Ozian #2: No…no! You can't do that to me Glinda! NO!!! (Grabs and holds onto Glinda's leg, but can't find it because of such poofy dress) Where the hell are your legs, anyway?

Glinda: There under there…somewhere. Ok, this is very easy to resolve. You. (Points to Ozian #2) Get some glasses at LensCrafters. Everybody else, let's sing! Gosh. (Gets back in bubble) Come on; let's go back up. (Looks down at Ozians) Ok, we did the first song. So…uh…you! (Points to Ozian #1) Just say your line.

Ozian #1: Uh…Glinda. Is… It… True… You… Were… Her

Glinda: Come on! Speed it up!

Ozian #1: I'm trying. It's just, well; this is a REALLY hard line!

Glinda: What? You say 'Glinda is it true you were her friend?' That's it. Oh, and then somebody slaps you.

Ozian #1: That might hurt, I think. Who slaps me?

Ozian #2: Oh! Oh! Me! I want to, Glinda! Pick me!

Glinda: Well, you're blind, so you can't.

Ozian #2: Oh please! Pretty please!

Glinda: Okay, fine. Go ahead and slap him and see if I care.

Ozian #2: Awesome! Thanks Glinda.

Glinda: Uh, sure.

Ozian #1: Ok, so uh…Glinda is it true you were her friend?

Ozian #2: Yay!…(Slaps Ozian #1 really hard so that he falls over) How was that?

Ozian #1: Owwww! She hurt me! (Sobbing)

Glinda: Good job…I mean, oh I'm so sorry. Alright, I think we're almost done with this song…(Puts on a sweet smile and gazes out at the Ozians) Well, it depends on what you mean by, uh, friend. I did know her, uh…that is, our paths did cross. At school.

Ozians: Oh blah blah blah and blah blah blah. Okay, was that good, oh great one?

Glinda: (Nods) Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Breaks Ozian #2's new glasses) oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!

Ozian #2: Owwww! Shut up already!

Glinda: (Gasps) How dare you! Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! There we go!

Ozians: Old Shizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. (They all fall asleep)

Glinda: Uh hey, you people. Ummmm, you're not supposed to fucking fall asleep!

Ozians: Huh? What? What's going on?

Glinda: Oh, just cut to the next scene already!

Ozians: Cool-e-o! (All disperse for the next scene)

**Well, that was the first chapter. Waits for the flying tomatoes I still hope you'll R&R even if you hated it. Thankies!**

**Oh yeah, and if you thought SOMETHING was up with Ozian #2, you just might be right. ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked and that's that.**

**Hope you liked the first chapter! Here's the second!**

Random Students: Oh great, school's back! Yay! Blah blah blah. Oh, look, it's Miss. Galinda! Yay! We love you Miss. Galinda!

Boq: (Comes out singing) "You're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're…"

Galinda: Oh…my…gosh. (To closest student to her) Who _is _that guy?

Random Student #1: That's Boq! Isn't he (Squeals) _adorable! _

Galinda: Uh…no. He's just…short.

Random Student #1: Whatever you say, Galinda.

Galinda: Ummm, well that is so obvious. And do you know why?

Random Students: Because you're so wonderful?

Galinda: Well, of course that, but mainly because…I'm better than all of you. (Laughs)

Random Students: Oh my God! Who the hell is that? (Points to Elphaba)

Galinda: Oh, it's just another blade of grass in the wind, but well, larger.

Elphaba: God, I never knew you were so fucking poetic Galinda.

Galinda: Well, I don't like to brag or anything, but…

Elphaba: Just shut up, all of you. You're all dimwits who…

Nessarose: Oh my God! Elphaba, look at my shoes! Aren't they, like, gorgeous?

Elphaba: Amazing…They look like blood. Frex, what the fuck were you thinking? They look like her feet are bleeding.

Frex: Well, you know, I thought maybe they would cheer her up…

Elphaba: Oh, so you're crippled for life, but every time you look at you wonderful bloody shoes, you think 'Oh life is just great'?

Frex: Don't be such a wise-ass Relphaba.

Elphaba: What did you just call me? What that, 'Relphaba'?

Glinda: She has a name? I thought it was just, you know, 'Greeny'

Elphaba: Oh that's _so _original. 'Greeny.' Man, I just have a really bad craving to change my name to that…

Madame Morrible: Oh look, the dimwits are finally here! And look, a green one at that! (Mumbles under breath) Wonderful, a cucumber. Yummy…

Elphaba: A cucumber? Where?

Cucumber: Uh, hiya. (Waves)

Elphaba: What the fuck are you doing in this scene? I don't see anything that says a cucumber is in this scene…(Takes out script and scans it)

Cucumber: Well, I don't know if I am supposed to be here but I can dance. (Dances) Well?

Elphaba: Yeah, sure you can stay.

Madame Morrible: Well, well, well! Look, at what we have here! **(Morribles thoughts: A whole bunch of bratty, trying-to-be-good-looking like Galinda, or Glinda or whatever her name is dimwits! Yay! No change!)**

Galinda: O.M.G! It's you, Madame! (Almost bows, but realizes she too good for that, then looks up to see startled students) I'm so sorry. I'm too good to actually, like, bow to a dumb cow like her.

Students: Yes. Dear Galinda you are just too good…

Elphaba: Okay, hold on! That's the song _after _my weird one about me wanting to be with the Wizard.

Random Student #1: You want to be with the Wizard? Oh my God. He would never pick you as his girlfriend!

Elphaba: I would never want to go _out _with him! In fact, I would never want to go out with anyone! **(Elphaba's thoughts: Well, except for my best-friend-to-be's boyfriend who just happens to be a hot Winkie prince.)**

Galinda: Did 'Greeny' just say something?

Elphaba: Oh my God! Did I just say that out-loud?

Nessarose: Uh…yeah, but it made no since what so ever.

Elphaba: Thanks Nessa. You're always so helpful.

Nessarose: Uh, yeah, I'm supposed to be, like, all sweet and stuff.

Elphaba: What? I thought you were my bitchy little sister.

Nessarose: Well that's obvious…Hey, who's _that _guy?

Boq: Uh…hi…(Looks at Nessa cautiously) Um, Miss. Galinda!

Nessarose: Wow, he's really cute.

Elphaba: Nessa, you're not supposed to fall in love with him till he asks you to dance because Galinda told him to.

Nessarose: (Stunned) Uh…_what_?!

Boq: Yes, I'm a little curious myself…

Elphaba: Sorry about that. I sometimes, well…(Gazes up at me)

A.N: Uh, sorry. Couldn't resist…(Shrugs, with a light smile)

Elphaba: Fine. Be that way. But, I'm dying to know, what are you going to do to ruin Nessa's life?

A.N: Uh, well, I didn't write it. Talk to Winnie and Stephen and Gregory and everybody.

Elphaba: Right…Sure, I'll try and do that sometime.

A.N: Have fun! Toodles!

Nessa: Where are you going?

A.N: I'm just going to sit here and watch you do as I say. I'll try to be less opinionated.

Galinda: Don't go! I like you! (Everyone looks at Galinda)

A.N: Uh…_what?! _Galinda, you don't even _know _me.

Galinda: Yeah, well, sorry. I just, well, I like your…_company._

A.N: Okay.

Elphaba: Can we _please _get on with this!

Galinda: Surely, Greeny.

Nessarose: So, Galinda, do you think maybe you could do something with me hair sometime…?

Madame Morrible: Oh no you don't! No fashion help from the pink fluff!

Galinda: (Looks offended, but straightens beautiful white dress and hat)

Madame Morrible: Because, you're going to be staying with me! Yay! And we're going to become such good friends Nessa. Is it all right if I call you Nessa?

Nessarose: Well it's a little…Morrible-ish…

A.N: Okay! Do NOT start another song! Morrible, treat Nessa kindly.

Morrible: So I can call the tragically beautiful girl 'Nessa'?

A.N: (Rolls eyes) Duh. That's what her sister calls her.

Galinda: You know, I haven't had a line in like, forever. So, uh…oh yeah…Madame Morrible, I was just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really…

Madame Morrible: Spit it out, blonde!

Galinda: (Continuing) Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY would love to be in your wonderful sorcery class! (Smiles)

Madame Morrible: Uhhhh…

Elphaba: No, my bitchy little sister is NOT going to be staying with you, Morrible! (Does weird little magic-spell thingy.)

A.N: Wow.

Elphaba: (Looking really puzzled and surprised) Holy crap.

Madame Morrible: Oh my goodness! That was an incredibly awesome thingy that you just did there. Man, that was just…hey, where's Nessa?

Elphaba: Uh…Nessa? Nessa! Where are you?

Madame Morrible: Oh great. We've lost her. (Begins to fake cry)

Nessarose: I'm right here! (Everyone looks around) Over here!

Elphaba: What the hell are you doing behind there?

Nessarose: Well, you kinda did the weirdo-spelly thingy and I just flew back here.

Elphaba: Oh…whoops.

Nessarose: Oh, don't worry. I'm used to it.

Elphaba, Morrible, and Galinda: Right…

Madame Morrible: So! Ummmm…anyway, you Greeny and you, Pink Fluff, are together. Okay. Uh…bye! (Leaves with Nessa)

Elphaba: Okay, hold on. First of all, I am SO supposed to sing my song!

Students: What?

Elphaba: You know. "The Wizard and I" All right, let me sing it! Disperse! (Shoos students away, including awe-struck Galinda) Once I meet the Wizard…blah, blah, blah. Yes, what a pair we'll be! The Wizard and I…! (Leaves as well)

A.N: (Claps wildly) Yay! Yay!

Elphaba: What are you clapping at?

A.N: Well, you know…

Elphaba: Whatever.

A.N: Fine. Let's just get to that next scene.

Elphaba: You mean the one about me hating the pink fluff?

A.N: Actually, you both 'loath' each other. Not hate.

Elphaba: Okay, one question. (Holds up index finger)

A.N: Yes?

Elphaba: What is _with _you on getting everything freaking correct all the time!?

A.N: Uhhh, I was just telling you about the stupid song.

Galinda: Come on! Let's get going!

A.N: Okay, see here that? 'Let's get going!'

Elphaba: You know, I heard her say it. I don't need you repeating it! (Stalks off of stage for next scene)

A.N: (Shrugs shoulders) Whatever.

So, there it was. I'm sorry it took so long, but you know, I had to deal with other priorities. I know, it's amazing, but I actually DO have a life. Nods I know, I know. Anyway, I must get started on the next chap. Please R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

**All right, here comes the third chapter. Sorry about the wait.**

Elphaba: Are you ready yet?

Galinda: Ummm…I'm trying to find my paper!

Elphaba: God. You'd have thought the stage manager or the prop guy would have given you that…

Galinda: Well…they hadn't gone to Kinkos yet! (Still searching through her suitcase, finally finding a pad of paper.) Yay!

Elphaba: (Slowly) Do you have a pen?

Galinda: (Hopes fallen) Oh.

Elphaba: (Sighs) You know, my father doesn't even fucking care if I'm rooming with a pink fluff!

Galinda: Well, I know Momsy and Popsicle care if I'm with a green…a green…um…

Elphaba: Piece of grass?

Galinda: Sure…

Elphaba: Okay, can we please get on with this stupid song!

Galinda: I told you! I'm trying to find a pen!

Elphaba: (Mutters) Like you even know how to write.

Galinda: What was that 'Greeny'?

Elphaba: It I told you, I don't think you would understand 'Pink Fluff'.

Galinda: Oh. (Pauses for dramatic effect) Okay then. (Keeps looking for pen)

Elphaba: Oh my God! (Throws pen at Galinda's head) There!

Galinda: Owww! That hurt! (Rubs head and realizes her hair isn't perfect) Oh my goodness! I must correct it! (Straightens out hair then takes out her mirror)

Elphaba: Stand up! Start singing! Now! (Really upset)

Galinda: Ok, fine! Don't be so mean to me! I'm 'Galinda Upland of the Upper Uplands'

Elphaba: I don't really care if you're Mimi Marquez of the Cat-Scratch Club in New York City!

Galinda: Ummm…well, I'm _not_ so…

Elphaba: I was _using _sarcasm, dumb 'Pink Fluff'

Galinda: Yes, I noticed you use that a lot…

Elphaba: Really? You don't say…

Galinda: Okay, fine! Just, let's sing, okay?

Elphaba: You know, I've been thinking that all along. So, you start.

Galinda: Fine! (Puts nose up like a little snotty-brat) Dearest…(Pauses for dramatic effect) darlingest…(Pauses again for dramatic effect) Momsie and…(Pauses again, this time just to irritate Elphaba) Popsical!

Elphaba: (Sighs) You _really _call him that?

Galinda: (Looks offended) Well, of _course! _What do _you _call your…(Spits out the word) Father?

Elphaba: Ummm…'My Dear Father'

Galinda: (Looks taken aback) Oh.

A.N: Will you two please get on with this song!

Elphaba: I told her to start!

Galinda: Whatever. I said my line and you said yours. Now we sing together.

Elphaba: Okay, let's go then.

Both: There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz.

Elphaba: And of course I'll care for my annoying, bitchy sister Nessa!

Galinda: And of course I'll rise above her, just like I rise above everybody else because I'm such a wonderful person!

Both: Because I know that's what you'd want me to do! There's been some screwed-up things her at Shiz, for you see my roommate is…

Galinda: An ugly, little piece of grass who reads a lot and is really mean to me!

Elphaba: Blonde. And pink.

Galinda: What is this feeling, so quick and new?

Elphaba: I felt the moment, I laid eyes on…her. (Sticks out tongue)

Galinda: My blood is rushing.

Elphaba: My head is reeling.

Galinda: My face is flushing.

Both: What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame. Does it have a name? Yes-ssss!

Elphaba: Loath-

Galinda: Yes-ssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Elphaba: Okay, now, let's review. Don't keep singing that note! (Straightens) Sing the loathing part! Gosh!

Galinda: Okay! Loathing.

Both: Unadulterated loathing.

Galinda: For your ugly green face.

Elphaba: Your stupid annoying voice.

Galinda: Your incredibly ugly clothing.

Both: Let's just say, I loathe it all. Every little stupid trait however small makes my very flesh begin to crawl. With simple utter loathing, there's a strange exhilaration, in such total detestation. It's so pure, so incredibly strong! Though I do admit it came on really, really fast. (Glares) Still, I do believe that it can last. And I will always be loathing, loathing you for my whole, entire, really long life long.

A.N: Um, wow. Guys, I think you kind of overdid that one.

Elphaba: Good. It's better that they know I hate the Pink One.

Galinda: Yes, I agree.

A.N and Elphaba: (Stare at Galinda)

Galinda: I mean, that I hate Greeny. (Laughs, but it sounds so fake that the dancing cucumber fainted)

Elphaba: Oh good job Fluffy. You just made the poor veggie faint.

A.N: Why did I ever put the stupid Veggie Tale dude in here?

Elphaba: I wondered that too. (Pokes fainted cucumber) It's out cold.

Galinda: Cold cuts! Yay-ness!

A.N: Ummm…I don't think we should, you know, chop him up yet.

Both: (Nod)

A.N: Now, can we continue with the story line, since this cucumber has nothing to do with it?

Elphaba: I agree. Umm…so, where are the weirdo Shiz students that come out and sing really weird?

Galinda: (Shrugs) Like I know…

Random Students: Oh, dear Galinda, you are just too good! How do you stand it; I don't think I could. She's a terror…

Elphaba: Ooohhh, scary.

Random Students: She's a tarter.

Elphaba: Tarter _sauce_?

Random Students: We don't mean to show a bias. But Galinda, you're a martyr.

Galinda: Well, these things are sent to try us!

Elphaba: (Rolls eyes)

Random Students: Poor Galinda, forced to reside. With someone so discustified. We just want to tell you, we're all on your side! We share your…

Both: What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

Random Students: Loathing.

Both: I felt the moment, I laid eyes on you.

Random Students: Unadulterated loathing.

Both: My pulse is rushing. My head is reeling. My face is flushing.

Random Students: We loathe it all!

Both: Oh, what is this feeling?

Random Students: Every little trait however small.

Both: Does it have a name? Yes-!

Random Students: Makes her very flesh begin to crawl-!

Both: Loathing!

Random Students: Loathing!

Both: There's a strange exhilaration.

Random Students: Loathing!

Both: In such total detestation!

Random Students: Loathing!

Both: It's so pure, so strong!

Random Students: So strong!

Both: Though I do believe it came on fast. Still I do believe that it can last. And I will be loathing, for forever.

Random Students: Loathing.

Both: Loathing, truly deeply loathing you!

Random Students: Loathing you!

Both: My whole life long!

Random Students: Unadulterated loathing.

Elphaba: Rawr!

Galinda: Oh, in the name of the Unnamed God! (Falls down)

A.N: Good job. You did the whole thing just as it's scripted. (Claps) I liked it. But, Galinda, you need to like, not, you know…fall.

Galinda: She scared me! (Points finger at Elphaba)

Elphaba: Well, you know, they say I'm a terror, so…best to fit the part, huh?

Galinda: (Growls)

A.N: Oh my…

Elphaba: Yes, I agree. Scary, huh? (In newscasters voice) The growl escapes the Pink One, as she points to the green…

A.N: You know, Elphie…

Elphaba: Elphie? Where on Earth…?

A.N: You mean Oz?

Elphaba: Right. Where in Oz did you think that one up?

A.N: Well, umm, it comes later on in your life…

Elphaba: How do you know that?

A.N: Just forget it!

Both: Fine. (Silence)

Random Student #1: Umm, can we go now?

A.N: Surely. You should have left a while ago, actually. I need to talk to these two.

Random Students: Okay. (Disperse)

Elphaba: You have to talk to me? About what?

A.N: I told them that to get them to leave. But, um, hi. (Raise hand to wave)

Galinda: (Waves back) Hiya.

Elphaba: Oh great, they're talking now. So, uh, when do I get into this really intellectual conversation?

Galinda: Ooohh, you think this is intellectual? (Pauses) What's 'intellectual' mean?

A.N and Elphaba: (Faint)

Galinda: Umm…okay then! (Skips off the stage)

Elphaba: (Pokes A.N) You all right?

A.N: Yeah. So, do you think we should get up off the stage?

Elphaba: Sure, I guess. (Walks off stage with A.N)

All right, so this one kind of got boring at the end, but, well, I kind of lost ideas. And also, on the song, I could have done some more parody-stuff with it, but I thought some people could be upset by one of the best songs (in my point of view) in Wicked being more screwed up then it is. (Smiles and waves)

**But, also, to those who wish this was in Story Format, instead of Script, I thought about it and found that it's just the way I like to write my parodies, so, sorry. Perhaps on another one, eh? (Smiles and waves again) **


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, now, anyone who wants to throw rotting fruit at me has my permission to, okay? Stands still I am SO sorry bout the wait, though!!! Will you ever forgive me??? I think not, but you never know, right? )

Elphaba: (Sits down in seat for class) Well, where is he? I woke up an hour earlier just to get to meet this guy and he's not here?

Random Student: (Throws paper randomly) Oh crap!

Elphaba: (Is hit by paper) What the fuck? (Opens note) Oh, look, it's a little origami thing in the shape of a…wait, what? It's green…and…(Unfolding it) it's a…mushroom?

Random Student: Well, you know, it was Fluff's idea! (Points at Galinda)

Galinda: (Waves)

Elphaba: (Flips off Galinda)

Galinda: (Gasps) How…dare…you?

Elphaba: (Laughs) Oh look, she's 'spaced out'! Hahaha, see, get it? She 'spaced' her words out? Hahaha.

A.N: Umm, Elphaba, get on with the scene, okay?

Elphaba: Right! (Opens up note and reads) 'The piece of grass is a mushroom.' (Throws up note) Hmmm, maybe it's just me but…HAVE YOU ALL GONE FUCKING INSANE? Where did you get the 'mushroom idea' from, anyway?

Random Geeky Student: (Quietly) I thought it up. You know, since, 'shrooms are very populous around here, I thought maybe you were, like, some weird type of mushroom. (Smiles)

Elphaba: (Gaping, then sweetly talks) Have you ever _seen _a green mushroom, sweetie?

Random Geeky Student: Well, actually, I once did when I was in the Quadling lands…

Elphaba: That's nice. (Smiles) So, do you think I'm, oh well, how do I put it…_fat _like a mushroom?

Random Geeky Student: I would have to think about it…

Elphaba: (Mutters) Oh that might hurt sweetie.

Random Geeky Student: Huh?

Elphaba: I said, 'You and Galinda are a perfect match!'

Galinda: (Gasp again)

Elphaba: (Crosses arms) Do you do anything else other than gasp in this scene?

Galinda: (Gasp)

Elphaba: (Sigh) I guess not. Oh, hey, Fluff, do you have paper today.

Galinda: (Gasp)

Elphaba: I take it as a yes. Pen?

Galinda: (Gasp)

Elphaba: Good, good. (Nods) Might I ask _why _exactly you continue gasping?

Galinda: (Gasp)

Elphaba: Nevermind. I'll just let you die. (Walks back over to seat as Doctor Dillamond enters)

Doctor Dillamond: (Bored tone) Welcome, welcome. So, what are we learning today? (Searches for book)

Galinda: (Gasp)

Doctor Dillamond: Do you have a comment, Miss. (Searches names) Glinda?

Galinda: (GASP GASP GASP)

Elphaba: (Stands up and points at Galinda like she's a criminal) Professor!

Doctor Dillamond: Yes?

Elphaba: Fluffy's trying to tell us something!

Doctor Dillamond: (Gasp)

Nessarose: (Puts hands on head) Elphaba!

Elphaba: Yes, little bitchy sister?

Nessarose: The stupidness…(Gasps) It's spreading!

Elphaba: Ahhhhh!!! (Runs over to Nessa) Hurry, Nessa, we must escape!

Hiccup: Hey, everyone, sorry bout that. False alarm. Bye!

Nessarose: (Glare) How dare that fuc….

Elphaba: Nessa, don't cuss.

Nessarose: (Glare)

Elphaba: That's my job, the cussing.

Nessarose: Awww, you can have it. My jobs the bitching.

Elphaba: Of course. (They hug)

Galinda: (Grabs her throat) Whew! That was pretty bad, huh? You were all worried about me, right?

Random Students: Of course, oh great Pink Fluff. We could never have everybody as stupid as you are!

Galinda: Why, thank you. (Bows)

Doctor Dillamond: Okay, so back to the class. Everyone, I think you know eachother by now, right?

All: (Nod)

Doctor Dillamond: Good. Good. Okay, you all can go, just let me flip over this board to see if anything inappropriate is written on the back about me, okay?

All: Okay. Have fun.

Doctor Dillamond: (Flips board) GASP! How dare someone write this? 'Animals should be seen and not heard.' That is the most, fucking offending thing I've ever read in my life. (Nods)

Everyone but Elphaba: (Leave)

Elphaba: Hey, Doctor Dillamond, you want my lunch?

Doctor Dillamond: Is it paper?

Elphaba: The bag is…

Doctor Dillamond: Awesome! Thanks. (Takes bag and chews)

Elphaba: So, do you think something bad is happening in Oz or something?

Doctor Dillamond: Oh yeah. I heard 'bout this owl dude in…

Elphaba: You mean Owl?

Doctor Dillamond: That's what I said.

Elphaba: Umm…sure…so, keep going.

Doctor Dillamond: Okay. Anyway, I heard about all these Animals losing their, oh what was it…?

Random Student: (Enters room again) Drugs?

Doctor Dillamond: No.

Random Student: Pencil?

Doctor Dillamond: No.

Random Student: Virginity?

Doctor Dillamond: NO! Let me think already!

Random Student: Umm…okay… (Leaves again)

Doctor Dillamond: Ah that's it! I'm supposed to sing. (Clears throat and pats chest with hoof) Something bad is happening in Oz!

Elphaba: Really?

Doctor Dillamond: Yes. Something bad is happening in Oz!

Elphaba: Well, hey, if something bad is happening to the Wizard, somebody's got to tell the Animals! That's why we _have_ Animals!

Doctor Dillamond: Yes. To rip him to shreds, right?

Elphaba: (Nods) So nothing bad.

Doctor Dillamond: Gee, why didn't I think of that?

Both: Nothing all that bad.

Elphaba: (Puts on funny Galinda giggle)

Doctor Dillamond: (Steps back) Nothing all that baaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddd!!!

Elphaba: It was my giggle, wasn't it? Now I've made you lose your stupid voice because I had to do some shitty Galinda giggle. (Fake cries)

Doctor Dillamond: Don't cry! Your makeup might come off.

Elphaba: This is my skin, stupid.

Doctor Dillamond: (Gasp)

A.N: Figures.

Well, that was fun. Cheers Now, I'm going to go watch 'Sabrina' and count down the days till the BARE soundtrack comes back. Nods 4! YAY! Whoot! Whoot!


	5. Chapter 5

Finally, for everyone, the fifth chapter is here and just in time for the holidays! Whoopee! Tee-hee. Anyway, I hope everyone likes it!

Elphaba: (Tired and angry) God, how could the Wizard be doing something bad that no one really understands, but knows is happening in Oz? It makes me so pissed off!

Fiyero: (Sleeping) Hey, look, there's a cucumber! Let's run it over!

Driver: Of course, sir. (Tries to run over Elphaba)

Elphaba: What the heck? (Glares) What was that for, asshole?

Fiyero: (Confused) Wait. (Puts hand on head) Where's the fruit?

A.N: Excuse me if I cut in here, but a cucumber is actually a _vegetable _hon.

Fiyero: (Jumps cowardly) What was that?!

Driver: Great. We have a new cowardly lion!

A.N: Wait…how do you know about that?

Driver: I work for the OBI…

Fiyero, Elphaba, and A.N: Oh.

Driver: Plus, I saw the movie.

Elphaba: Ah…ok.

Fiyero: (Confused again) Wait a second…I thought you said you were from Munchkinland!

Driver: ('Twilight Zone' music plays) Bye bye.

Fiyero: (Stunned) But…he told me…he was from Munchkinland! Can you believe him?

A.N: Fiyero, drop it.

Fiyero: (Crosses arms and pouts) Fine. (Realizes mistake) Wait, what? Where are you? Who are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Elphaba: (Chewing on fingernail) You know, that game is terribly old.

Fiyero: (Doesn't notice Elphaba) I hear you! I know where you live and what you did last summer!

Elphaba: Oh, now that's just pathetic.

Fiyero: Well…(Realizes Elphaba's green skin) Ahhh! What's wrong with you?

Elphaba: (Looking at watch. Nods.) Yep. A whole 5 minuetes and 47 seconds.

A.N: It's a record.

Elphaba: Yep.

Fiyero: Ah! Who…who…who are you? (Light bulb appears above his head and turns on)

Elphaba: Well, that's a new one.

Fiyero: Are you that bush I almost ran over?

Elphaba: Yeah…why, you just realized this?

Fiyero: (Nods)

Elphaba: (Sigh) Wow, the new students get dumber and dumber with each year.

A.N: I can vouch for that one.

Elphaba: Witness! Witness!

Fiyero: Wait a second…you're the girl I don't like at the beginning when I'm dating some blonde girl who's really fluffy, but then I ask you out and we sing a song and kiss, right?

Elphaba: (Eyes well up) You…you remembered?

Fiyero: (Shrugs) What do you expect? I read the script.

Elphaba: My hero! (Runs towards him)

Fiyero: Yeah well…

Elphaba: (Ready to jump into his arms and kiss him)

A.N: Ummm…excuse me! This is skipping like (Pulls out script) 10 scenes or so! We can't have that, you two.

Elphaba: Damn it.

Fiyero: Yeah, I know. I blame it on that stagehand strike, you know…

Elphaba: Yeah, me too…wait, how do you know about that?

Fiyero: Oh, I get around…

Elphaba: Oh.

Fiyero: And I read the refund thingies.

A.N: Okay, you guys, just shut up! We're supposed to have Galinda in here. Galinda? Galinda?

Galinda: (Jumps out) I'm here!

Elphaba: Wow. New outfit I see.

Galinda: (Smiles) Yeah, I just bought it at the Gap. Do you like? (Twirls)

Elphaba: It's…um…very…(About to say ugly)

Fiyero: White?

Galinda: I know! I just love it! (Turns into flirty mode) But not as much as I love you…

A.N and Elphaba: (Sigh)

Elphaba: It's the beginning of the end…

(Scary music plays in background)

**That's all for tonight, but I promise to have one more chapter at least before Christmas, okay? P**


End file.
